The Sand
You barely hear from them… until they need:
- A ride.
- A loan.
- A last-minute “can you cover me?” favor.
You miss the friendship, but you’re starting to feel like a service, not a person.
The Pearl (Ready-to-Use Scripts)
Option 1 — Gentle Nudge
Good for: when you want to call it out, but softly.
“Hey, I’m happy to help when I can, but lately it feels like we mostly talk when you need something. I miss just catching up as friends too.”
Option 2 — Direct, But Not Cruel
Good for: when you’re ready to set a real boundary.
“I care about you, but I’m not able to be the go-to person for last-minute favors right now. If we’re going to stay close, I need the friendship to feel a bit more two-sided.”
Option 3 — If You’re Pulling Back
Good for: when you’re done being default support.
“I don’t have the capacity to keep stepping in like this. I’m going to say no this time. I’d still be open to grabbing coffee and catching up when things are less one-sided.”
When to Use These
- You feel drained after every interaction.
- They rarely check in unless there’s an ask.
- You’re wondering if they’d show up for you the way you show up for them.
Pearl Check (What This Protects)
- Your time and money.
- Your sense of not being used.
- Space for friendships that actually feel mutual.